Mario Kart Cash Dash
by Vampires Bane
Summary: Mario receives a letter asking him to come to a luigi kart race and luigi refuses to go after an argument with Mario. Many people die. Rated T for some swearing. Hilarity Ensues. Your garantueed to laugh at least once reading this.Even if you dont notice
1. The cash dash

**Mario kart cash dash**

**Chapter 1:**

**The cash dash**

**Mario: What the hell!?**

**Luigi: Shut up bro! What's wrong anyway?**

**Mario: I got this letter inviting us to go to a race but it's not called Mario kart.**

**Luigi: What's it called?**

**Mario: Luigi Kart.**

**Luigi: And that's bad why? I'm happy about it.**

**Mario: oh you just want the attention because everybody hates you.**

**Luigi: Don't be mean, now I'm even more emotionally scarred.**

**Mario: Good.**

**Luigi: Fine then, I'm not going.**

**Mario: YAY!!! Ummm…. I mean awww!**

**And so Mario went to the racing circuit to see a sign that said Luigi Kart.**

**: Welcome racers, we will be starting the rip off-err-race very shortly.**

**Bowser: Wait I thought we were going to take a test to see who was able to race.**

**???: No not in Luigi kart.**

**Bowser: Wait! Luigi Kart?**

**Mario: I'm not competing unless it's called Mario kart!**

**: Fine I don't really care. Now go to your rooms for the night we will begin testing in the morning. Oh and by the way, the winner gets $1,000,000,000,000 dollars!!**

**Mario, Bowser, Peach: Wait a minute! You're Count Bleck!**

**Count Bleck: Correct, But I am good now.**

**Tippi: I will be competing as well.**

**Mario: That's not fare because Tippi can fly!**

**Count Bleck: Do you see me caring? No? That's because I don't.**

**An: Not bad but I intend to add a little more humor as the story progresses.**

**And I won't be putting Count Bleck or Tippi's real names so it isn't spoiled for people who haven't beaten Super Paper Mario yet.**


	2. The race begins

**Chapter 2:**

**The race begins….**

The next day……

Count Bleck: welcome to you all!

O'chunks: Get on with it ye freak!

Mimi: Ya hurry up!

Nastasia: Shut up both of you! The count is speaking!

Bowser: Why don't you shut up?

Count Bleck: All of you SILENCE!!!

Mario: Let's just race already!

Everyone: Shut up Mario!

Count Bleck: Let the race begin! Here are the first match ups

Nastasia: Just an "FYI", they will be one on one races.

Bowser vs. Boo

Birdo vs. Yoshi

Mario vs. Tippi

O'Chunks vs. Mimi

Dementio vs. Peach

Doopliss vs. Fractail

Gooper Blooper vs. Nastasia

AN: Just to let you know, I am now referring to Gooper Blooper as just Gooper.

Yoshi: What! I have to vs. Birdo?

Peach: Great I'm racing the mentally challenged clown!

Mario: What are you whining about! I'm racing a freaking butterfly!

Tippi: Scared much?

Gooper: Bloop-Bloo Bloop bloop!

Just then everyone pulls out shotguns and shoots Gooper blooper!

Count Bleck: Well now Nastasia wins her first match!

Nastasia: Yay!!

AN: Well I thought it was pretty good but it seems like its missing something…

Aha I got it! More killing! And by the way, send me a message if you think I should add someone to the race. I will only add them though if I know of them.


	3. Nights 1 Dooplisses 0

**Chapter 3**

**Nights: 1 Dooplisses: 0**

That night, a mysterious silhouette entered Dooplisses room and placed a piece of paper on him.

Dooplis: Snore snore snooooooorrrree!!

???: Now that Dooplis is going to die and I will win.

The next morning, Dooplis awoke and noticed a piece of paper on him. He picked it up and it said…..

Paper: I know that your name is Dooplis!!!

Just then Dooplis started screaming and closing his eyes when suddenly, Dooplis exploded!

Shy guy: Dooplis! Are you ok? I heard an explosion!

Shy guy: Oh my god! Dooplis exploded!

Janitor: Great! Just Great! Now I have to sweep up body parts and oragans yet AGAIN!!

Shy guy: again?

Janitor: umm… you heard nothing.

AN: I know it was short but it was pretty good. I hope to add more people so send me messages with new people!!


	4. Race 1

**Chapter 4**

**Race 1**

Count Bleck: Before we begin I have some important news: first of all Dooplis exploded and died last night but that's not important right now.

Yoshi: You just said it was important news!

Count Bleck: Shut up you.

Count Bleck then pulled out a remote and pressed the button, a trap door opened under Yoshi and he fell. Then a giant cheep cheep ate him.

Count Bleck: Anyone else want to complain?

Everyone shook there heads side to side.

Count Bleck: Good, now the second bit of news is that Dry bones and link will be joining the race. So now here is who is racing who.

Bowser vs. Boo

Birdo vs. Link

Mario vs. Tippi

O'Chunks vs. Mimi

Dementio vs. Peach

Nastasia vs. Fractail

Shy guy vs. Dry bones

Count Bleck: Let Race one commence!

**RACE 1: **

**Bowser vs. Boo**

**Course: **

**Bowser's Castle**

**Ready! **

**Set!**

**Go!**

**Bowser gets a jet boost in the beginning and speeds his way into first and boo then starts off shortly after.**

**Bowser gets a Bob-bomb and throws it at boo.**

**Boo swerves past it and get a lightning bolt causing bowser to shrink. **

**Just then bowser pulls out a shotgun and shoots at boo. **

**Boo pulls out a mirror and reflects the bullet back at bowser, it hits him in the chest and he dies in his cart driving in to lava where the height of the lava rose a lot due to his tremendous weight.**

**END OF RACE 1!!**

Mario: Hey, shouldn't he be disqualified for killing his opponent!?

Count Bleck: No because I don't care. And by the way, if you talk one more time to me about something making sense I will kill you all and take the money for myself.

Tippi: even me Blumiere!

Count Bleck: Especially you Timpani! I never really loved you. I just wanted your money!

Tippi: Blumiere how could you?

Count Bleck: Like this.

Count Bleck pulled out a shotgun and shot Tippi causing pixl butterfly blood to pour out.

Tippi: Why? (In a small high pitch voice)

Count Bleck: I told you! I only wanted your money you dip shit!

Tippi: ……………… (Dead)……………………

AN: Well I thought it turned out to be the best chapter so far. And yes I decided to put Count Bleck and Tippi's real names in. More death coming soon!


	5. Tippi's funeral

**Chapter 5**

**Tippi's Funeral**

Mourner: And now we will read from Tippi's will…..

To Mario: 1 coin

To peach: a shotgun

To bowser: stay married to peach

And to the author: NOTHING!! Because you made me die!!

Author: Hey its not my fault that people want you to die for your money.

Count Bleck: Shut up you!

Count Bleck shot the author in the face with a shot gun.

Mario: Hey you cant kill the author!!

Count Bleck: So?

Mario: What ever!

Peach: Why the hell do I need a shot gun?

Tippi's will: Because I felt like giving you one.

Peach: I'm throwing it away.

Bowser: Alright! I get to stay married to peach.

Peach: Oh wee! I still married to the giant turtle retard!

Mourner: Goodbye fair rich Tippi! We all wanted your money dearly.


	6. The last of the newcomers

**Chapter 6**

**The last of the newcomers**

Count Bleck: Before we begin race 2, some more unimportant important news!

Mimi: But……

Count Bleck: Stop there or you will be joining Dooplis for lunch.

Mimi: (gulp)

Count Bleck: Now as I was saying, we will be having two new members joining the race. Meet Zelda and Ganon.

Ganon: Its ganondorf!

Count Bleck: whatever!

Zelda: (whispering) more like Ganon dork.

Ganon: why you!

Count Bleck: Everyone calm down now or your gonna pay for opposing me!!

Everyone: (gulp)

Count Bleck: Anyway, Zelda and Ganon will be racing each other.

Link: You! You're not going to mess this up!

Link then runs up and stabs ganon in the forehead with his sword causing ganon to die.

Count Bleck: Well ok, I guess Zelda will be racing the newcomer we turned down, TOAD!!

Toad: I cant wait for the race!

Zelda: Oh just peachy.

Peach: Hey! I find that offensive.

Zelda: I don't care.

AN: I know link killing ganon was a little random but I wanted to have toad in to and that gave me an odd number of characters so I killed ganon.


	7. Race 2, well not really, and Birdos dies

**Chapter 7**

**Race 2, well not really and Birdo dies (Yay)**

Count Bleck: And now Birdo will race Yoshi!

Birdo: Prepare to eat my dust!

Yoshi: shut up you elephant nosed loser!

Birdo: Well I never!

Yoshi: You never what, didn't look ugly?

Birdo: I'm going to…..

Yoshi: What, be uglier, now that would be scary!

Count Bleck: Yoshi wins!

Birdo: How does he win?

Count Bleck: Because I don't like elephant nosed retards!

Everyone: Who does?

Count Bleck: I know…..

Just then Birdo exploded into a bowl of cheerios

Count Bleck: Cheerios!?!

Yoshi: No, Bird-o's

Count Bleck: I hate puns!!

Count Bleck raised his staff and summoned Hooktail to eat the bowl of cheerios and Yoshi.

AN: Guess what! If you like the story I'm sorry to say, only 2 more chapters left in the series! When I'm done with this story, look for my kingdom hearts story and my up coming World of Warcraft story! I'm might even put a toon town story up but that's still undecided. Actually….. Maybe it will be more than 2 chapters before these stories over. Hmmm, maybe I'll add a City oh heroes/Villains story. I'm rambling aren't I? Well it doesn't matter because this is my story; you don't like it, to bad! Muahahahaha!!!


	8. A frightening surprise

**A frightening surprise!**

The night after the funeral for Yoshis, and the celebration of birdos death, all the racers were asleep, then Mario awoke to a familiar voice……..

Dooplis's Ghost: Maaarrriiiooooooo, it is I doopliss!! Listen carefully mariooooo, I have something important to tell-

Mario: Shut up doopliss, your dead, I don't care!

Dooplis's Ghost: Listen, or die!!

Mario: Fine!

Dooplis's Ghost: Count Bleck plans to kill all of you, and steal your money!

Mario: No he's not, he said we were getting cash, hence the name of the story being Mario Kart Cash Dash!

Dooplis's Ghost: Well he's really going to kill the contestants and then kill every one.

Mario: Oh my lord, I mustn't waist a moment to tell everyone.

Count Bleck: No you won't!

Count Bleck then stabbed Mario with his staff.

Dooplis's Ghost: Oh no! Mario's dead, now the story can continue!

Mario: Actually……I'm….still…..alive…

Count Bleck: Umm…. NO!!

Stabs again

Dooplis's Ghost: How can the story still be called Mario Kart Cash Dash?

Count Bleck: Well, actually….. I made this robot of him.

M Bot: I'm not listening to you.

explodeds

Count Bleck: Well, I'm screwed.


	9. Go Dumb People!

Dooplis's Ghost: Liiiiiiinnnk! Listen! Count Bleck plans to kill everyone! Don't waste a moment before he ki-

Count Bleck: So sorry link, Dooplis's ghost is haunting the area. I'll just take care of him for you.

Count Bleck pulls out a ghost buster's vacuum thing a sucks doopliss into it.

Link: Umm... ok.

(The next day)

Count Bleck: Attention everyone! I have an important announcement

Toad: What do you want you freak! Hey, where Mario?

Count Bleck: Unfortunately, Mario was shot by a assassin last night.

Everybody: What! Huh? Oh-kay!

Count Bleck: Yes yes, too bad so sad. Boohoo cry cry sob sob.

Bowser: Well then if Mario's dead. Peach, were getting a divorce.

Peach: Yay! Wait two questions. One: _you're_ breaking up with _me_!? And two: didn't you die?

Bowser: Yes, but I came back to life because I felt like it so get over it. And also, yes because you see peach, I only wanted to marry you to make Mario mad.

Peach: What!?

Bowser: Now that he's dead, I'm going to run you over with this truck.

Bowser gets in a truck and slams on the gas peddle. He drives crazily over to Peach and then runs her over.

Bowser: Now, for no apparent reason. I'm going to commit suicide! Yay!

Everybody: Yay!

Bowser backs up the truck really fast and drives off a conveniently placed cliff that magically appeared because the writer wanted it to.

Bowser: Good bye cruel wor-

Bowser hit the ground before he even finished his sentence.

Count Bleck: Wow. Anyway, here's the really important news. I lied. I'm not actually giving anyone money. I'm going to kill the winner first and then kill the rest.

Everybody: Ok, we don't care that much

Count Bleck: You don't care your all going to die? But why!?

Everybody: Because were dumb!

Count Bleck: Well, you got me there.

Toad: Yay! Go dumb people!

Everybody: Shut up!

Everyone picks toad up and throws him off the cliff

Toad lands in a puddle and lives.

Toad (Yelling): I'm ok!

Count Bleck: No your not!

Count Bleck takes out a rocket launcher and shoots it into the puddle where toad is. Causing him to explode.

Everybody: Yay!

Count Bleck: That's it! I'm not killing you guys!

Everybody: Please no, Please kill us!!

Count Bleck: No, I'm killing myself.

Count Bleck Shoots his rocket launcher into the air and the rocket falls and explodes killing him.

Nastasia: No, my Boy friend!!!

Everybody: Shut up!

Peach runs up to Nastasia and puts a garbage bag over her head. Suffocating her to death.

Nastasia: Just an FYI, I'm choking!!

Everybody: Yay! Go dumb people. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huhuhuhuhuhuh!


	10. Oh great, more dead bodies

Janitor: Oh great more dead bodies! When will this end!?

Peach: When will what end?

Janitor: When will the killing spree end!? I have to clean all this up. And to think once wasn't enough!?

Peach: Once?

Janitor: Every time a new Mario game comes out, the villain in it hosts some kind of competition here. And I always have to clean it up!

Peach: There's not a moment to los-

The janitor pushed peach off the cliff and laugh manically

Janitor: But, seeing as the villain is dead, I'm the new villain. And I'll rename the games, things like Super Janitor Bros.

Frog: Ribbit

Janitor: Shut up you!

The janitor then kicks the frog off the cliff

Frog: Riiiibbbiiiittt!!

Janitor: I said shut up!

Everyone: What are you going to do to us?

They all said scared

Janitor: This.

The janitor said as he pulled out a nuclear warhead and threw it hard to the ground.

The Nuke exploded killing everybody.

------------------

Moral of the story guy: And so, there you have it, the moral of the story is, never go to races called Luigi Kart. And never, ever, whenever a janitor says "Oh great I have to clean up bodies again", stay in the race.

Thank you

_**Fin**_

_**-------**_


End file.
